Got to Love your Brothers
by MRS.waitforit.STARK
Summary: Remember when Edward said that he had asked Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle about sex in Breaking Dawn? Well, what really happened in the "brother to brother" moment? WARNING: you will laugh. For little red dragon-fly’s That's my sibling! contest
1. Chapter 1

_**Got to love your brothers**_

**A/N For **_**little red dragon-fly**_**'s****That's my sibling! contest**

**Remember in "Breaking Dawn", when Edward said that he had asked Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle what to expect during sex? What actually happened during the "Brother to Brother moment? Expect Humor and natural Emmett silliness, as well as a teddy bear. Idk, that was random. Ah, great. Now I have to put a teddy bear in my story. Oh, well.**

**(Rules and stuff)**

**Alright, this is a contest for one shot stories on any Twilight characters- as long as they aren't a couple! Write a non romantic story about them, can be humor, hurt comfort, what ever you want!**

**We will accept stories from now until ****March 17****. If a story is published after March 17 that wants to be in the contest, it will be disqualified.**

**Winners will be announced shortly after this date.**

**Requirements for stories:**

**Must be a one shot.**

**Must have a minimum of 500 words, can be as long as you want, but please don't go over board people.**

**Must have two main characters out of the Twilight series, that are NOT involved romantically, and will not be involved romantically at all in the story.**

**They can be siblings, friends, even enemies, I don't care, as long as you show them doing something together.**

______________________________________________________________________________

Emmett shined the flashlight in my face, "So. You come to me on this boring day of nothingness and ask me about sex for vampires?" he said in a menacing voice. Jasper stood behind him, looking annoyed and awkward.

"Uh. Yes." I said. Sometimes, Emmett can be extremely thick.

He turned the flashlight off, "Well, great! I have nothing to do! Jasper, get out the teddy!"

"What!" I screeched, "Why?"

"Because! Teddy is awesome. And, he is feeling lonely." Emmett explained, "Duh."

Jasper sighed and threw the teddy at Emmett's head, "Teddy's can't feel a thing, dumb, dumb."

Emmett caught the teddy and gasped, "How dare you insult Teddy. It's OK. He didn't mean it!" Emmett stuck his tongue out at Jasper. _Jasper doesn't know how to feel. Calling me a dumb, dumb. I am not!_

I rolled my eyes, "Can we stop this creepy and disturbing scene before it gets out of hand, and can we continue with what we were discussing before?"

"Right!" Emmett said, "Sex. Well, it's fabulous! Oh, you have to try this one thing I did to Rosal-"

"I DON"T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND ROSE'S EROTIC MOMENTS!" I roared.

"Jeez, sorry! I was just going to say that she sque-" Emmett started.

"Stop." Jasper interrupted.

"But she reall-"

"Stop." Jasper said again, "Now, what is it that you need to know specifically?"

"What am I supposed to expect, when I get...to....you get it."

Emmett looked confused, "I don't get it."

"THE CLIMAX YOU IDIOT!" I yelled.

"OH! Well, I think-"

"Stop." Jasper said again. "Well, it is obviously I little stronger, like, than normal, I suppose. Oh, gee. I am starting to sound like Alice. Crap. Anyway, so expect to take it slowly at first."

"Well, obviously. I'm not just gonna do whatever I want to her." I said.

Jasper looked at me funny, "Duh! R-A-P-E! What's that spell?"

"OH!!!!! I know! It spells, ARPE!" Emmett shouted, "I got it right, didn't I? I knew it! Oh, I knew all these years in high school would pay off!"

"Amazing. A four letter word, commonly used by Rose, and he can't even spell it." I said to Jasper, "Honestly, why do we try with him? These years in high school aren't doing _anything."_

"Oh, I know. He needs special treatment. I was thinking about putting him on Adderall, but that might backfire. I think we should send him to a therapist." Jasper replied, shaking his head.

"Pretty Butterfly! I'm a pretty butterfly! I can fly! I believe I can fly! Think happy thoughts!" Emmett said, jumping up and down on the couch. _Pie. Cake. Cupcakes. Rosalie. Pie. WAIT! I don't eat pie, or cake! CRAP! Um, puppies, kitties. OH NO! Ceiling cat strikes again!_

OH MY GOD.

"Emmett, seriously. Knock the act off!" I exclaimed.

"I can't." he sighed wearily, "Alice dared me to act like a three year old all day."

"Oh, you poor thing." Jasper gasped.

"I know! And the worst part is, Rosalie is in on it. If I even think about stopping, I can't have sex for three months."

"I picked the wrong day to ask you guys about this." I really should just get up and walk away. So...tempting! Oh, no! I can see the light! ARRGH! Oh, wait. Emmett's just shining the damn flashlight at me again.

"Were is candy land? I know that you know because I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that-"

"EMMETT! SHUT THE HELL UP!" I shouted.

"Sorry." he said like a tiny child who got caught with cookies before bed.

"Anyhoo! Back to sex." Jasper said.

"OMG! Your gonna bang Bella!?!?! Oh, Charlie's gonna shoot you!" Emmett warned. "I sooooooooooooooooooooooooo wouldn't so that if I were you! OH NO! I lost Mr. Teddy! Were did you go, Buddy? OMG! HELP!"

"Somebody call 9-1-1." I said in a bored tone.

"Great idea!" Emmett exclaimed, "Wait. What's the number?"

"Well, we'll leave Emmett to figure out the number for 9-1-1. Let's finish our convo." Jasper said, "Oh, man! I still sound like Alice!" _Crap. I have got to have some man time. Preferably when Emmett isn't dared to act like a three year old._

"Somebody call the fire brigade! Somebody call Bella! Somebody get Ceiling cat! Somebody get this little orange gnome out of my way!" Emmett shouted.

"Anyhoo. What should I do! I'm a block of ice, and Bella is like a warm strawberry. Oh, I bet I'll kill her. Oh, God! I'm so stupid for agreeing to this! I shouldn't have!"

"Wait, Bella's a fruit? OMG! Somebody call the fire brigade! Somebody call Alice! Somebody get Ceiling cat! Somebody get this little orange gnome out of my way!_" _Emmett screamed.

"DON'T CALL ALICE!" Me and Jasper shouted in unison.

"Wait! I got an idea!" Emmett ran as fast as possible into the house.

"Thank God! He's gone!" I sighed in relief. "Now, let's get down to business. Question number one...Do you ever find yourself in need to break things during you climax?"

"No. But, that's just me." Jasper said, "I, like, feel really excited, and, like, I feel pleasure. Oh, man! Not more Alice talk!" _Must watch Football. Must watch Baseball. Must watch sport of some kind that does not involve modeling._

"Question two....Do you squeeze your mate and/or teddy bear during your climax?" I asked. I was truly curious about this one.

"Yes and no. it depends one the level of, like, pressure. Do you think I sound gay?"

"No. Question three.....What is the square root of pi?"

"1 . 772453851 and it goes on and on and on and on and on and on."

"Now, your starting to sound like Emmett."

"Oh No!"

"HERE I AM!" Emmett squealed in my ear.

"HOLY SCARY!" I shouted.

"OMG! So, I ran inside and I ran into Rose's room and I went 'Do you have a condom?' and she was like 'NO!'. So I got all mad-ish and I screamed 'DOES ANYONE HAVE A CONDOM?' and they all screamed 'NO!'. I got soooooo anger-ish that I ran with my super speed all the way to Wal-Mart and I bought a box of condoms!"

We just stared at Emmett while he smiled proudly.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

"Special. So, anyway.....I do not sound like Emmett!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Look! It's a blue condom! Here you go!" Emmett handed the condom to me. "USE IT! Don't get Bella pregnant! If you do, she will almost die, and then a werewolf will imprint on you freak-ish vampire/human daughter. And Bella will be a vampire, and the Volturi will come, and you will get very pissed off, then, that smelly werewolf will hang around here too much."

"Who gave Emmett sugar and condoms?" Jasper yelled at the house. No answer. _Alice._

"YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!" Emmett shouted, throwing the condom at my head. He jumped up and ran into the forest "Anything you can do, I can do better! Anything you can do, I can do too!"

"NO YOU CAN'T" I shouted.

Me and Jasper sat in silence. "You know, he could be right. I don't like the sound of a smelly werewolf."

"Shut up."

"Well, I'm just sayin'! It could happen, my brother!" he rapped.

"No it couldn't! Vampires can't have children." I shot back.

He sat in silence, "Anything you can do, I can do better! Anything you can do, I can do too!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled.

Oh, well. You got to love you brothers.

______________________________________________________________________________

_Few weeks later..._

"I told you that you should have used the condom." Emmett sighed., "Now look, Bella is pregnant. And who's fault is that? Edwards. That's who. Edward. Edward. Edward."

_**______________________________________________________________________________**_

_**A/N...... **_**yeah........ okay then...... I hope you enjoyed!**

"**Wait, Bella's a fruit? OMG! Somebody call the fire brigade! Somebody call Alice! Somebody get Ceiling cat! Somebody get this little orange gnome out of my way!**_**" **_**Emmett screamed.**

**Got to love Emmett.**


	2. Sequel to GTLYB is coming out

Heya!

Technically, I'm not supposed to post any updates to this story because that was a rule of the contest. BUT... The author who started the contest **left FanFiction** until she decides to come back.

And so, I figured that now would be a good time to post this AN

I'm gonna do a sequel to this story! It won't be a one-shot, it will be a multi chapter story.

It's gonna be called ---- **"Got to Love your Family"**

*smiles hugely* Creative, I know!

It will be random a funny like **"Got to Love your Brothers"**

:) It's not up yet, but add me to your author alerts and it will be up within a week or two! Thanks for supporting this story! :)

OH! And go to my profile and please please please vote for one of the choices!

TOODLES~~~

*8* Megan Geyer *8*


End file.
